Star Wars Day: Building a Star Wars expansion franchise for the NBA

Tatooine Jedi Knights Star Wars NBA franchise – Head Coach: Grand Admiral Thrawn

Although less known to the casual Star Wars fan, the tactical genius of Grand Admiral Thrawn is well documented across Star Wars television, novels and comics. A combination of Sherlock Holmes and Rommel, Thrawn’s day job involves maneuvering galactic chess pieces around the board from the bridge of his Star Destroyer.

In his spare time, he coaches the Tatooine Jedi Knights. By analyzing the clothing, tattoos and speech patterns of opponents he draws up flawless game plans that attack their greatest weaknesses. His calm, soft voice doesn’t carry across the court, but players quiet up to listen to him in the huddle. He handles the strategy and leaves the motivation to his associate coaches.

Tatooine Jedi Knights – Associate Coach: Qui-Gon Jinn

Qui-Gon Jinn serves as the chief associate coach for the team, with an emphasis on teaching players meditation techniques to unwind after games and prepare their minds before games. He helps to resolve conflict, which happens frequently when you are cramming Sith Lords and Jedi Knights onto the same roster. He does freak some players out when he secretly analyzes their blood and mumbles about their midi-chlorian count.

Tatooine Jedi Knights – Assistant Coach (Offense): Admiral Ackbar

Admiral Ackbar joins fellow navy man Thrawn on the coaches’ bench. Ackbar has a very specific role he plays for the team. When the Knights have the ball and two defenders come to double the ball-handler, he calls it out for his team. “It’s a Trap!” echoes across the court a handful of times per game, and his players immediately know to move the ball.

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Tatooine Jedi Knights – General Manager: Emperor Palpatine

The ultimate backroom dealer in galactic history, Palpatine knows to play the long game in building a successful team. He stays in the shadows, allowing his staff to move publicly while he dons a hooded cloak to make Zoom calls to other teams and agents. Other GMs can complain about his arrogant manner; one time when Palpatine suggested a trade that didn’t fit into league rules, an opposing exec suggested they check with the league office. “I am the League Office!” Palpatine croaked, scaring the exec into finding a way off the call.

Tatooine Jedi Knights – Owner: Jabba the Hutt

The first family of crime in the Star Wars universe is, without a doubt, the Hutt Syndicate. One big extended family, the Hutts control trade across the galaxy, both legitimate and illicit. Jabba the Hutt, after losing too much money investing in podracing, chose to get involved with a different sport, buying the Tatooine Jedi Knights from their previous owner Nute Gunray. He has been allowed to keep his ownership despite multiple accusations of treating women poorly, a historical dark spot for the league. There’s also the time he insisted Damian Lillard be kidnapped and frozen in carbonite for hitting a game-winning shot against his team; on second thought, perhaps he will be forced to sell soon after all.

The Tatooine Jedi Knights are stocked with talent and set up for success with flying colors. Just as the league did with George Mikan and Wilt Chamberlain, eventually the rules will need to be adjusted to prevent Jedi from blocking shots with the Force, or a jetpack-aided dunk attempt. For now, fans can enjoy this team’s high-powered antics and dominant record. May the Force be With You!