Utah Jazz: The 4 most impressive beards In Jazz history

During a time in which very little Utah Jazz basketball is being played, why not dive headfirst into the hard-hitting, off-court topics? You know, like facial hair.

Instead of enjoying the postseason like they’re used to this time of year, thanks to the COVID-19 crisis, NBA fans find themselves with little to do. The jigsaw puzzles in the hall closet have seen some action. Board games have been played for the first time in years. Heck, just for kicks and giggles, they’ve even cracked a book or two — desperate times call for desperate measures.

But in addition to those “meh” activities, whether a sign of laziness, a means of entertainment or a public cry for help, beard-growing has seen a spike, as well. No-Shave November might be months away, but with most having lost track of time weeks ago, it doesn’t matter much.

During quarantine, I’ve taken a stab at beard growth, too. The only problem? After a week or so, I discover that my beard looks a bit too much like Pete Maravich’s for my liking. Pistol Pete and I might suffer from follically-challenged faces, but good news for Jazz fans — most Jazzmen don’t. In fact, a few of them have beards strong enough to be considered all-time greats …

Without further ado, have at ‘em:

1. Mark Eaton

Limited to the Utah Jazz franchise, it’s harder than you’d think to come up with a list of GQ-worthy beards. No matter who you are or how much experience you have with the Jazz’s rich history, though, Mark Eaton’s beard is the first that comes to mind — it was simply that epic.

Some of that might have to do with Eaton having played the entirety of his 11-year NBA career in Salt Lake City, but beyond that, Eaton’s beard laid claim to something most American beards in the ‘80s didn’t: intentionality. Eaton didn’t wake up one morning and stumble into a beautiful, dirty-blonde beard; he grew one and maintained it — the way beard-growing was meant to be.

2. Ricky Rubio

Much to the chagrin of this Oklahoma-raised writer, decades from now, Ricky Rubio will still be remembered as the guy who — with very average point guard talent — drove Russell Westbrook bonkers during the first round of the 2018 NBA Playoffs. Westbrook’s always been an emotional player, but I can’t help but think intense beard envy played a sizable role in his on-court demise.

Having a robust beard is one thing — coupling it with an incredible head of hair, though? That’s real estate only Rubio can occupy. High-ranking Jazz executives clearly weren’t ready to let go of Rubio’s luscious look, either, as Mike Conley — his incoming replacement — rocks a similar beard-and-hair combo. Still, Rubio’s sexy Spanish “acento” keeps Conley from making this list.

3. Carolos Boozer

Carlos Boozer spent six years with the Utah Jazz. During that time, he was a solid player for Jerry Sloan. Not a perfect player, but again — a solid player. Truth be told, his beard wasn’t perfect, either.

So how does he make this list, exactly?

Well, just as NBA players take to the practice gym to improve the areas of their game that are lacking, so too was The Booz Cruise willing to go the extra mile to take his beard (and hair) to new, never-before-seen heights — scientists aren’t sure how he did it, but he made it happen:

Booz’s shocking dye job didn’t even happen in the Beehive State — the year was 2012, and he was playing under Tom Thibodeau for the Chicago Bulls. When something as memorable as this takes place, though, you’d be hard-pressed to find a loyal fanbase that wouldn’t want to claim it.

4. Gordon Hayward

Gordon Hayward broke my heart. Then, he broke his leg — we’re all square now, right?

Jokes aside, following the Summer of 2017, never again did I think I’d include Hayward’s name in any kind Utah Jazz-centric listicle with the word “best” in the headline. It’s been nearly three years, however, and I’ve (kind of) recovered. Moralistically, this was tough, but out of a commitment to “serious” content, I can’t look the other way — Haywards’s half beard is worthy of a mention.

While Eaton’s deliberate beard growth earned him a spot on this list, Hayward makes the cut for a different reason: the raw transformational powers of his facial follicles. His might not be the thickest of Jazz beards, but the bit of scruff on Hayward’s chin and upper lip took him from the pre-teen you pay to cut your lawn to the kind of guy you’d be proud to have as a son-in-law.

Sorry, Jazz peeps — I’ve got to give props where props are due.

Let it grow, baby!

Without any Jazz games on television, admittedly, it’s hard to find ways to show your undying support for the team. Hats, t-shirts and jerseys are all easy enough options, but with the best way to spell “love” being T-I-M-E, there’s no better demonstration of your commitment to #TakeNote Nation than the growing of a quarantine beard — now’s the time to make it happen, captain.

The above Jazzmen have shown the way; follow their lead.