25. Slamson the Lion: Sacramento Kings
Never mind the shoehorned reference to biblical figure Samson or the unoriginal use of the lion (’cause he’s the “king” of the jungle). This horrifying original backstory will make you feel sorry for this feline more than anything else:
"[Samson] lives in The Golden 1 Center (behind the bleachers), in Sacramento, California. He was born in South Africa with his mother Slamet and father Sir Slam the Lion. Due to his family being very poor, the Sacramento Kings went to help him, after losing their other dear beloved mascot, Gorilla. He was then shipped off to Sacramento to entertain children. He has since been loved by many children and teenagers for many years."
If this story is to be believed, the Sacramento Kings snatched Slamson from his family, put a jersey on him and stored him in the bowels of their arena, all for the privilege of watching the Kings lose 43-50 games every year? Since when do lions need an income of any kind? Also, what kind of name is “Slamet”? Is that supposed to be like Janet in basketball pun terms?
Apparently, someone in the Kings organization realized that maybe giving a mascot an origin story that involves kidnapping someone/something from Africa and forcing them to work for free isn’t exactly the way to go and gave us this revision:
"Slamson (Felinus Entertanus Maximus) is the official mascot for the Sacramento Kings. He was acquired by our Kings scouts (read: poachers) while taking a cat-nap under a tree in Capitol Park."
So, they still kidnapped him and made him wear a Kings jersey. But it’s okay, kids, he went to college (Lion-el University) and likes The Lion King!