NBA mascot power rankings, best past and present

26. G-Wiz: Washington Wizards

It’s fitting that the team with the most generic name also has the most generic mascot in the association. Of course, it shouldn’t be a surprise given that this franchise has provided little in the way of coolness or excitement to the people of D.C. since moving there in 1973.

Let’s start with this cornball name, which is a play on the team’s equally goofy nickname while playing up the “Gee Whiz” phrase that people supposedly use to describe something amazing that they saw. You know, like seeing a wizard perform magic (coincidently, “Gee Whiz” is what most Wizards fans say after looking up John Wall’s supermax contract).

Naming the mascot after something that only people born before 1950 say is just the tip of this bland iceberg. What exactly is this thing supposed to be? He looks like what would happen if Cookie Monster graduated from Hogwarts. They get some credit for not copying the Celtics’ formula of putting some goober in a wizard costume, but couldn’t they have at least made a cartoony old man outfit instead?

But someone probably thought the blue blob in the red Sorting Hat would appeal more to kids — well, the kids who had the misfortune of going to a Wizards game — so here we are.

At least the design of Hoops, the team’s mascot when they were known as the Bullets, attempted was conceived under the premise of being cool, albeit in a very 90s way (“See how cool he is kids? He has sunglasses on!”).

This disappointing franchise and underwhelming furry deserve one another.