NBA: 2015-16 All-35-And-Over Team
Aside from dribs and drabs leaking out of training camps and other decently meaty preseason scraps mercifully tossed our way, one of everyone’s favorite mid-October signposts indicating the fast approaching NBA regular season is the slew of rankings strategically released this time of year to remind you, specifically, that your team is the worst.
Complete with made-for-TV reverse-order rollouts and tasty blurbs, NBA rankings always seem to awaken every fan’s righteous indignation from its summer slumber just in time for opening night. Who knew?
ALSO ON HOOPSHABIT: NBA: 25 Greatest Scorers of All-Time
There is, however, a grizzled band of players who care not for your rankings, valuations or any other extraneous crap telling them how good they are at the game they’ve been playing their whole lives, dammit.
More from NBA
- The 5 most dominant NBA players who never won a championship
- Meet Cooper Flagg: The best American prospect since LeBron James
- Are the Miami Heat laying the groundwork for their next super team?
- Sophomore Jump: 5 second-year NBA players bound to breakout
- Constructing the NBA’s perfect all-under-25 starting five
Often lost amid the frenzied glimpses of prized rookies and training camp invitees scrapping for roster spots is the NBA’s aging populace of elder statesmen doing their best to just keep on keepin’ on.
Indeed, we enter every season armed with a couple of time-tested (albeit completely contradictory) aphorisms on hand for describing the age divide in the world’s premier basketball league.
This is a young man’s game.
This is what separates the men from the boys.
Though it’s unclear which androcentric adage is more in vogue as of press time, this year’s NBA graybeards will look to stave off the ravages of age for one more season as they clutch, wile and head fake their way through the ol’ 82-game slog while attempting to keep up with their springier counterparts.
A few quick notes on eligibility for the All-Geriatric Squad:
–Any player considered must already be 35 years old or turning 35 before the end of the 2015-16 regular season.
–Primary statistics used for evaluation are from the 2014-15 season.
–Only active players may be considered (eat a peach, Nat Hickey fans).
–Fit and team chemistry are not factors. Simply the five best over-35 players, put together like an All-Star ballot with three frontcourt players and two backcourt players.
–This team will most likely be atrocious at defense.
–The only criteria for games and minutes played is that any player considered must have played at some point last year, and be likely to play at some point this year. That’s it.
Now, without further ado:
Frontcourt: Pau Gasol
Born July 6, 1980
His fit with fellow frontcourt partner Joakim Noah and as a power forward in general in the modern NBA notwithstanding, Gasol was fantastic last year.
Not only did Pau post his highest scoring average in four years at 18.5 and his highest ever per-game rebound numbers at 11.8, he also totaled his most blocks per game since 2007 and was often the low-post bedrock of Chicago’s offensive attack in his first season as a Bull.
While advanced analytics and the eyeball test called into question Pau’s block numbers and his overall fit within Chicago’s schemes, he often acted as an effective deterrent at the rim simply by playing long and tall around the basket while posting a few ludicrous stat lines on his way to a well-earned All-Star nod and All-NBA 2nd team honors.
Frontcourt: Tim Duncan
Born April 25, 1976
The Big Fundamental (Worst. Nickname. Ever. Ever ever ever ever ever) put together another stellar campaign in his 18th season in the league, posting averages of 13.9 points and 9.1 rebounds per game while anchoring the Spurs’ top-3 defense.
Though his raw per game numbers continued their gradual decline as Gregg Popovich smartly continued limiting Duncan’s minutes and injury exposure, his per-36 numbers have remained astoundingly consistent. He was also arguably the Spurs’ best player in their epic seven game clash with the Clippers last postseason.
Whether that is a sustainable formula for San Antonio going forward is another discussion, but Duncan continues to amaze with his late-career stability.
Frontcourt: Dirk Nowitzki
Born June 19, 1978
Dirk’s numbers were down across the board last year, yet he still managed to secure a late birth in the 2015 All-Star Game, which gave him the stage he needed to bless viewers with whatever this is.
Though Dirk’s per-game stats took a bit of a dip, that can be partly attributed to his minutes being restricted to their lowest mark since his rookie season, as his per-36 numbers remained solid at 21 points and 7 rebounds per contest, as well as a solid 38 percent from distance and his always superb 88 percent from the charity stripe.
Dirk also earns bonus points for playing an impressive 77 games with legs that can’t perform integral functions like bending at the knee, running and jumping.
Backcourt: Kobe Bryant
Born Aug. 23, 1978
Though injuries have ended Bryant’s last three seasons and limited him to just 41 games over the last two years combined, Kobe still remains a top choice among the elderly backcourt options in the NBA. In spite of the fact that he put up his second lowest scoring average in a decade and a half on an abysmal 37 percent from the field, there are a host of mitigating factors to consider here.
For one, Lakers head coach Byron Scott had Kobe playing an absurd 34.5 minutes per game as he chased meaningless, and potentially harmful, wins at the expense of Bryant’s physical well-being.
Not only was Kobe’s playing time well past the point of reasonable for a player who was in his 19th year and firmly entrenched in the NBA’s top-10 all time in minutes played, but the offensive burden also frequently tilted far too heavily in his direction, murdering any fighting chance he had at maintaining even a modicum of efficiency.
Bryant also continued a several-season-long trend of apathetic defense.
There’s no point in arguing that Kobe didn’t have a bad year last year, or that he is still capable of being the fulcrum of a productive NBA offense, but to say he can’t still be one of the best over-35 guards in the NBA if healthy and deployed responsibly would be a step too far at this juncture. (The amount of qualifiers in that sentence makes me incredibly sad).
Backcourt: Manu Ginobili
Born July 28, 1977
Manu’s blah field goal percentage (42.6 percent) and meh point total (10.5) weren’t great last season, yet those numbers belie his importance to the Spurs’ title hopes year after year. Though he’s struggled to stay healthy in the latter half of his career, Ginobili still seems to be the barometer for how far the Spurs go every postseason.
His scoring and playmaking ability keep San Antonio’s offense whirring when Tony Parker takes a breather, and his still-robust assist percentage of 28.6 was good for fourth best in his career. Bonus points awarded to Ginobili for his past defense of the AT&T Center from all manner of winged, mammalian intruders.
Sixth Man: Paul Pierce
Born Oct. 13, 1977
Pierce might not have made the cut if not for his fantastic postseason campaign. Though Pierce averaged just less than 12 points per game and played only 26 minutes a pop, he still shot almost 39 percent from downtown in the regular season. Still, it was PP going bananas in the playoffs that cemented his status as this over the hill squad’s top reserve.
In 10 playoff games, The Truth put up 14.6 points per, while bombing away from behind the arc to the tune of 52.4 percent on 6.3 attempts for an effective field goal percentage of 65.2. (!!).
Once Washington head coach Randy Whittman unleashed Pierce as an almost full time small-ball power forward, the Wizards’ offense went supernova and No. 34 was an integral part of every one of their most effective lineups.
Honorable Mentions:
Born March 19, 1976
Not only did Miller have the highest assist percentage in the entire NBA last season at the age of 39, his particular brand of old man, ass-first basketball has aged exceedingly well given that he has been playing the exact same way for nearly his entire career.
Born Feb. 13, 1981
I fudged the rules on this one a bit, since Ridnour will likely sit out the entire 2015-16 season, but it was just too tempting to bring you this #FunFact: Ridnour only becomes eligible for this over-35 team on Feb. 13 this season—five days before the NBA’s trade deadline, before which Luke will change teams approximately 37 times, retired or not.
(This joke has been completely annihilated and I don’t care.)
Born Aug. 29, 1980
Took a HUGE discount for a chance at a ring in San Antonio. Slowing down, still a rock. Top-five stink face in the league.
Born May 19, 1976
Not purely a legacy pick, Garnet still played his usual stingy defense and posted respectable per-36 numbers last season for the Nets and Timberwolves. Bonus points for this moment with a longtime fan.
Born Sept. 15, 1977
Jason Terry played meaningful minutes in the Western Conference Finals last season. REPEAT: Jason Terry played meaningful minutes in the Western Conference Finals last season. Jokes and his defense on Stephen Curry aside, he wasn’t awful. Really.
Live Feed
Pelican Debrief
Born March 20, 1980
Know what? Still actually pretty, pretty, pretty good. Can score the rock with the best (but not the most efficient) of ’em, still has handles for days.
Born July 7, 1978
Every team needs someone with neck tattoos, lest they get punked on the daily. We’re also only a few years removed from the Birdman being arguably the fourth-best player on a Miami Heat team that won the 2013 title.
All stats per Basketball-Reference.com.
Next: NBA: Top 10 MVP Candidates In 2015-16
More from Hoops Habit
- The 5 most dominant NBA players who never won a championship
- 7 Players the Miami Heat might replace Herro with by the trade deadline
- Meet Cooper Flagg: The best American prospect since LeBron James
- Are the Miami Heat laying the groundwork for their next super team?
- Sophomore Jump: 5 second-year NBA players bound to breakout