Kevin Love: Finding The Perfect Nickname
By Joshua Howe
One of the most enjoyable aspects of the NBA is getting to call your favorite player by a super-cool nickname that has stuck with them throughout their career. It is sort of a special connection that fans get to share with a particular player, allowing them to feel as if they’re in a select group that know that player by their extra name.
Nicknames have become such a popular part of the delight of basketball over the years that last season the league decided to have certain games in which teams wore special jerseys with their ubiquitous nicknames printed on the back in place of their real last name.
It was that moment that solidified the power nicknames held as a marketing tool and the imagery of the larger than life figures we see players as.
Oftentimes, nicknames are reserved for players who are considered great or who are very well known to the public for one reason or another. Some players who are not as well known may, in fact, have a nickname among teammates that never reaches the ears of the casual fan.
It is now that we get to the purpose of this article, which you have undoubtedly read in the title. How does a player such as Kevin Love, who (despite never making the playoffs) has had such an incredible young career not have a solid nickname? Especially with the last name “Love?”
This seems to me most unfair. Love is an All-Star with a last name absolutely perfect for creating a nickname that could stay with him forever. He deserves one.
Ah, yes. I know. I am forgetting “K-Love,”, you say.
Let me rebuttal with this: calling a player “D-Wade,” “K-Love” or “D-Rose” does not constitute a nickname in my eyes. Rather, that is simply using the player’s first initial and then their last name to create something that sounds, honestly, boring.
I have had classes in school where I am referred to in the same way on an attendance sheet!
I sha’n’t subject Love to such an alias that I myself would find lackadaisical. Instead, I am going to now attempt at carving out the ultimate nickname for the famous stretch-four.
Below is a list of nicknames I have created, each with an explanation of how I came to make them, and why they are a good fit for Love. By the end, I will reveal my top pick, which shall be the one I would love to see catch on the most.
1. Absolute Zero
The How:
This is a nice one to kick things off with. I created this nickname with the intention of doing something creative with Love’s current jersey number, which is zero. He was 42 in Minnesota (for which I thought “42 Love” might be neat), but now that his number is changed it’s much easier to make into something cool.
The nicknames “Agent Zero” (Gilbert Arenas) and “Subzero” (Damian Lillard) have already been taken, both of which are great. This one perhaps tops those two, with the word “absolute” a driving force that emphasizes “zero” more strongly than in other nicknames.
The Why:
Besides the fact that it goes along with his number, this nickname supports how cool Love acts during games while he’s drilling threes and making plays. Absolute zero is the coldest anything can ever get and Love, with that sweet stroke, is as cold-blooded as they come.
2. Love Machine
The How:
Doesn’t Love often look like some sort of futuristic, fluidic T-1000 out on the hardwood? His movements repeatedly look so perfect and smooth that he hardly looks like a human. His shooting stroke is uncannily consistent, and his body is built like that of a large robot wearing a Cavs jersey.
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Add in his name, and you get a funny sort of twist on the idea, with the mental imagery of him spreading love mixed with the tangible sight of him actually destroying foes on the court.
Together, the two words make for a cooky, fun nickname that’s sort of like an action movie: it’s been done before, but is still enjoyable.
The Why:
Love has recorded historic numbers in the past as a member of the Timberwolves and is still out there being a beast for Cleveland. Some of the things he can do aren’t meant for mortals, so he must be a robot, right?
With his almost psychic ability to seemingly know where rebounds are going to fall, his mechanical shots mechanics (I know, right?) and his square-ish frame, this nickname fits Love and his game very well.
Also, just play this every time he catches the ball.
3. Eros
The How:
The obvious: Eros is the Roman god of love, more commonly known as Cupid.
The reason I chose the name Eros rather than the latter is that it doesn’t give you the hilarious image of Love as a giant man in an adult diaper. We’re not trying to make him a laughing stock.
Instead, with a regal-sounding name like Eros, it gives him an aura of power and strength.
The Why:
Love can shoot. That’s the simple answer.
Eros doesn’t miss often with that bow and arrow of his and neither does Love when he attempts a shot on a good look. His “arrows” don’t cause instantaneous love when they connect but … he can’t do everything, right?
4. Loviathan
The How:
This one is pretty simple. Have you ever seen a leviathan? Those things are freaking terrifying.
They are huge, dangerous monsters that have no sense of holding back, acting solely on instinct. I picture Love, as a relentless rebounder, having this sort of mentality. He often looks like a monster himself on the glass, going after every board and sometimes even snarling a bit while he does so.
The Why:
As a big man, the image of Love as a leviathan is simply nerve-wracking. And awesome. It’s the equivalent to Kevin Durant’s “Durantula” alias.
He leaves a path of destruction upon the court every time he plays, grabbing rebounds, splashing threes, recording assists and hurting the opponent in nearly every way imaginable. You don’t really think of a leviathan going on the defensive either, instead it is a creature with an attacking mindset.
Plus, as a one word nickname (which I personally enjoy) it rolls of the tongue perfectly. Someone’s gotta photoshop this into reality.
5. The Third Wheel
The How:
Ha ha ha ha ha! Sorry, Kevin.
The Why:
Really, I apologize if this catches on.
6. Special K
The How:
Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with the cereal.
I just needed something that involved his first name, to add a bit of variety to the list. This nickname is sweet, simple and fun.
You know, now that I think of it, it does sort of crunch with that “K” at the end like you’re taking a bite of cereal. Hmm. Maybe I was just hungry.
The Why:
No one can deny that Love is special. That’s where the quality of this nickname really comes from: pointing out Love’s unique abilities.
He’s the best stretch-four in the league and proves it on a nightly basis. No other big in the league can shoot like he can, or is as deadly off of pick and pops. And yet, he’s perfectly fine working down in the post too.
Truly a special player.
7. The Big Connection
The How:
This is a spin-off of nicknames from guys like Tim Duncan (“The Big Fundamental”), Kevin Garnett (“The Big Ticket”) and Dirk Nowitzki (“The Big German”). It seems like a lot of great big men have names that involve the word “big,” as if to remind us that they’re really, really large.
While I find this a tad silly, it’s sort of a tradition and I simply can’t knock that.
What separates Love’s nickname from the others’ is the fact that I honed in on something specific, which in my mind is the thought of him as a quarterback in the NFL.
The Why:
The man’s outlet passes are incredible and he should be allowed to have a nickname that focuses just on that aspect of his game. They’re that good.
How much fun would it be to hear Fred McLeod and Austin Carr scream out, “The Big Connection to LeBron James for the touchdown!” Whether you like it or not, they’re already saying the “Touchdown!” catchphrase so this certainly wouldn’t make it any worse.
Other than his passing, it could also be used for his shooting when he ‘connects’ on a shot. It’s not quite necessary, but it’s there.
The Verdict
Personally, I’ve gotta go with Loviathan. Nothing is as scary, cool, strong and as fun to say as that word. In an age where the “epic” is in, this nickname suits Love perfectly. The monster stat lines he puts up only add to this word’s connotation of fortitude and dominance.
If you read this, Kevin, have your people talk to my people (it’s just me). We’ll work some PR stuff out to get this thing rolling.