NBA: Say No To Nickname Jerseys

King James. The Truth. Jesus Shuttlesworth. KG. These are the names you might see on the back of official NBA jerseys next season. And I for one could not be more upset about it.

In a move that had NBA fans quickly picking sides of whether or not they’re on board, the league is considering allowing the Miami Heat and Brooklyn Nets players to wear special nickname jerseys in at least one of their four regular season matchups this year. That’s right, folks! For at least one game this season, we’ll get to see multimillion dollar superstars indulge their egos just a little bit more by stitching their choice of nickname on the backs of their jerseys. You know, where their last names used to be.

On the surface, this probably doesn’t seem like such a big deal. If anything, it’s a clever PR stunt by a league fully aware of its cultural impact. Out of all professional sports leagues, you would probably guess the NBA would be the first to have official NBA jerseys with players’ nicknames on the back, right? The NBA knows its audience and is all too familiar with the reverence involved every time a fan refers to LeBron James as “King James” or hails Paul Pierce as “The Truth.”

But that’s kind of the point. The reason I have such a big problem with the nickname jerseys is those are our nicknames for our favorite superstars (except King James, of course, but even that was eventually adopted by fans once he started winning titles). We refer to Kevin Garnett as KG not only as shorthand to make it easier to fit Twitter’s 140-character limit, but also with a sense of respect and admiration. But to see Garnett wearing a jersey with “KG” printed on the back? How else are we supposed to see it, if not a belligerent indulgence into one’s legacy? Do we really want to see LeBron strutting around an NBA court with a presumptuous “King James” printed on the back of his jersey? Could it be any more self-serving to see Paul Pierce hobble up and down to floor on an average night to the tune of 14 points and six rebounds with “The Truth” on the back of his uniform?

Those nicknames mean something because they’re used informally by fans. The thought of LeBron and other players around the league referring to him as King James instead of his name isn’t exactly enthralling. Can we really be expected to refrain from rolling our eyes when we hear Dwyane Wade decide he would like to have his nickname jersey simply say “Three” as a reference to both his jersey number and his number of championships? Professional athletes already have enough confidence thanks to the reverence we treat them with by creating these nicknames, so do we really need to reinforce it by not only putting those nicknames on the backs of jerseys, but allowing them to create their own as well?

This may seem like an overreaction, but think about how ridiculous the concept is. It’s an attack on the sanctity and formality of the game. Basketball is a team sport and there’s a damned good reason the team name is printed on the front of the jersey. Similarly, there’s a reason the player’s birth name (and only the last name, mind you) is relegated to the back. It’s because the team comes first and the players’ names are a representation of themselves and their families. Slapping a “King James” or “The Truth” on the back of a jersey worn by the actual players changes all that.

If we see our favorite superstars wearing jerseys with their nicknames in an actual NBA game, the separation between fan and player is pretty much gone. We like using these nicknames because they create a cool standard and familiarity among fans. It’s like a secret language that only NBA fans know about and we share in that camaraderie whenever we recognize a nickname and immediately know exactly who that person is talking about. Letting the players join in that nickname world destroys the illusion of grandeur we have when we think of the league’s brightest stars because they’re basically embracing it fully. It destroys the respect and admiration that comes with every NBA nickname utterance. Who wants to refer to an athlete by an endearing nickname if the man himself is calling himself by the same name?

We use the nicknames because we’re only fans and we want to add a superhuman quality to our favorite players’ exploits. We want what they do on the court to stand the test of time and reward our fandom, and there’s nothing wrong with creating nicknames to make those players more endearing to us. But to see those players acknowledge the superstar status that comes with a nickname and promote it would be a denial of the hard work and talent that got them our respect in the first place. Simply put, it would be crossing the border between celebrating our fandom and self-indulgence in it.

Just imagine a 36-year-old Paul Pierce hobbling up and down the court all season with “The Truth” printed on his back and tell me your fandom isn’t insulted. Photo Credit: Keith Allison (Flickr.com)

I know what you’re thinking and you’re right: teams may win championships, but the NBA is still a superstar league. I completely agree. The NBA is so exciting to watch night in and night out because anyone can dazzle us and earn a nickname on any given night. We care about the Kevin Durants and the Carmelo Anthonys and the Derrick Roses of the league because they’re so unique, so dynamic and so worthy of praise.

The NBA has some of the best nicknames for its current players and even better ones throughout the history of the league. Air Jordan, Clyde the Glide, Hakeem the Dream, the Round Mound of Rebound, Chocolate Thunder, Pistol Pete, Dr. J, Magic Johnson, Larry Legend and The Mailman are all-time classics. But that’s the point. Those are some of the all-time greats. No offense to guys like Goran Dragic and Marcin Gortat, but what if this idea spreads and next season we see a tanking Phoenix Suns team strut out jerseys with “The Dragon” and “The Polish Hammer” printed on the back? Could there be a higher disgrace to the team sport of basketball than overhyping players who already have that benefit from social media?

There’s no question, this seems like a “hip” move by the NBA. But in reality, customized jerseys with nicknames are for fans who custom order jerseys. The jersey is sacred in basketball. Seeing a player’s last name on the back of that jersey already evokes happy memories and nicknames without it being explicitly printed on there. It’s so cool to see an old school Philadelphia 76ers jersey hanging in someone’s home because it says “Erving” and we know it to be a Dr. J jersey. Wouldn’t some of the effect be taken away if it just said “Dr. J” on it? Isn’t some of the impact taken away if we see “The Human Highlight Film” on the back of a retro Atlanta Hawks jersey instead of allowing that simple “Wilkins” to prompt our reaction?

had an awesome nickname. But nicknames are for stories and documentaries, not jerseys. (mwibbels/flickr.com)

To be fair, the players in question are all sure-fire Hall of Famers. LeBron James will go down as one of the 10 greatest players of all time, Wade is already a top-5 shooting guard of all time, Ray Allen has broken Reggie Miller‘s 3-point records and hit one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals history this past year and Paul Pierce and KG brought a long-awaited championship back to a historic franchise. These are some of the most well-established nicknames currently in the NBA. But do we really need to jump the gun and re-emphasize their place among the all-time greats so prematurely?

The NBA didn’t indulge Michael Jordan or Karl Malone during their primes. It didn’t slap up “Wilt the Stilt” on the backs of jerseys after he scored 100 points in a single game. And although it’s easy to point out that Pistol Pete had his nickname on the back of his jersey, I’d hardly refer to Pete Maravich as the standard by which the league should operate decades later. So if we start allowing these nickname jerseys, where does the trend stop? Who decides who gets a nickname and who doesn’t? Does Jason Terry get one? And if he does, shouldn’t other teams with bigger names get them too? And what about players like Kobe Bryant with multiple nicknames?

The point is, if we get on board, there’s no stopping this train. You think people were annoyed when LeBron James anointed himself the “King James” moniker before he ever won a title? Just wait until role players and superstars alike start thinking up nicknames as moronic as Twitter handles. Just wait until we start seeing Earl Clark wearing a “Clarksanity” jersey, or until we have to digest whatever stupefyingly dumb nicknames J.R. Smith and Ron Artest design for themselves (I still refuse to call him Metta World Peace after his T.K.O. on James Harden). And just wait until your favorite team becomes part of the trend and you have to watch a team’s mediocre players prance around all season with ridiculous, self-indulgent nicknames that’ll only serve as fitting irony with every turnover or missed shot. This isn’t the XFL. This isn’t WWE. If fans want to custom order a “King James” Heat jersey or a “KG” Nets jersey online, fine. Just don’t put them on the players for an officially sanctioned NBA game. Because if this doesn’t scare you, nothing will: