Circling The Drain: Phoenix Suns and Philadelphia 76ers Go Anti-Tank

Welcome to the first edition of “Circling the Drain,” where we’ll keep a close eye on the bottom of the league. The race for Andrew Wiggins and the No. 1 overall pick in the 2014 NBA draft has officially started, but as it usually the case, things didn’t exactly start as planned. Let’s take a look at our leaderboard:

Who’s Currently Circling The Drain?

30. Philadelphia 76ers (1-0)

Nope, you’re not fooling me. You’re not going to beat the defending champions in your home opener (without Dwyane Wade) and convince me that you’re anything more than a 15-win team. What’s that now? Michael Carter-Williams flirted with a quadruple-double (22-7-12-9) and Evan Turner successfully put the offensive load on his back? Nope … get back to me later.

29. Boston Celtics (0-1)

Work harder, like me. Only YOU can prevent wins by completely ignoring offensive play! (NBA.com photo)

Let me get this straight … Gerald Wallace flipped out about his teammates not giving enough effort, then put up ONE shot in 40 minutes? He turned the ball over FIVE times? That’s almost as good as Kelly Olynyk scoring four points with three turnovers, two fouls and NO OTHER STATS. Since I’m on a all-caps rush, HE WAS A MINUS-19. Rajon Rondo‘s going to buy stock in Pepto Bismol watching this rubbish.

28. Utah Jazz (0-1)

They played the Thunder tough, but see my point above (and below) about home openers. I’m far from a Trey Burke believer, unless the Jazz are concocting a secret tankalicious ploy to hand the keys to the offense to Burke so that he completely obliterates it. Alec Burks put up 24 points, six rebounds and six assists off the bench and a guy who I honestly didn’t know (Mike Harris) scored 13 in 22 minutes before fouling out. Fun times in Utah (said nobody except skiers).

27. Phoenix Suns (1-0)

The best part about the Suns tank plan is they’re going to start the season 2-0. They’re jazzed up to host Utah in what will be a sweet serenade to their rocking start. I did hear Eric Bledsoe laugh at Miles Plumlee in the locker room when Miles admitted being tired. Considering he topped an entire year’s worth of production in one night … I’d say so. GM Ryan McDonough better move Goran Dragic before this team flirts with winning 30 games.

26. Orlando Magic (0-2)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … Nikola Vucevic is a baller. His 22 points, 16 rebounds, three assists, three steals and three blocks were undone by a Kevin Love clutch 3-pointer at the end of the fourth quarter on Wednesday at Minnesota. As long as Jameer Nelson is running the team and the bench is a handful of “who?” then they’ll stay on this list. Victor Oladipo looks green — not sick or Martian — but he’ll be really good with more experience.

On The Edge Of The Sink

25. Charlotte Bobcats (0-1)

Hello, after being a doppleganger for Brad Pitt, I led an actual NBA team in scoring! (NBA.com photo)

To recap … Josh McRoberts led the Bobcats in scoring (15), their best player in Kemba Walker took the fourth-most shots (10) and they got obliterated 54-37 on the glass. Not every team will have Dwight Howard on it, but this is a serious problem. Al Jefferson isn’t an above-average rebounder at this point, so who steps up? Hey, did you see that Gerald Henderson and Jefferson went a combined 11-for-35? Get used to it!

24. Milwaukee Bucks (0-1)

Does anyone in their right mind (except you, Mr. Giese) want to see Nate Wolters play 30 minutes while Giannis Antetokounmpo plays one minute? That problem aside for a second, Larry Sanders scored ZERO points in 12 minutes with five fouls. The “starting” lineup scored 29 points … total. Caron Butler turned it over seven times and Gary Neal took 16 shots to lead the team. I’m starting to think maybe their toes are in the swirling water already.

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