State Of The NBA Rookies Address
By Nathan Giese
Barack Obama probably has some interest in the state of the NBA rookies, but I doubt he’d hold a press conference to discuss the situation. But it doesn’t hurt to play pretend. Think of me as your Obama in this case. As you read this, imagine my voice as Obama’s with a little bit of a southern twang added to it to not be confused with his presidential addresses. We have to draw the line somewhere.
My fellow Americans, I’m here today to speak with you about the state of the NBA rookies. While the league has seen an influx of talent come and go this season, these young men have put it all on the line in hopes to make an impact for their respective teams, to get their careers started on the right note. (Expect boos from Republicans and Joe Biden trying to be a troll.)
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But first, let’s talk about the NBA as a whole. What a week it’s been. Thirty-nine players changed teams as the trade deadline passed this past Thursday afternoon. Most of these players that changed teams were veteran pieces. However, one team made moves so daring, so, some would say, bizarre. That team is the Philadelphia 76ers. (Hopefully the crowd gasps.)
Much has been made of Philadelphia’s attempts to build for the future, following the vision of general manager Sam Hinkie. Hinkie has made many moves that have left many a fan up in arms, wondering what his plan is exactly. Before Thursday, I have remained quiet about this subject, but feel, as president, that I need to put my foot down. (Pause to build anticipation.)
I will never compare professional sports to problems throughout the world, but Hinkie has established himself as a villain under the guise of leading a franchise. His weapons of mass destruction are second round draft picks and he has set the course of the NBA back a full decade. Philadelphia fans are passionate and deserve to root for a team trying to win games, not a team trying to lose games to maybe one day win games in the distant future.
My wife, Michelle Obama, takes a special interest in troubled youths, so she has been strongly attached to the 76ers roster as most of them are in their early 20s. She has shared a text message from Michael Carter-Williams with me, which reads: “LOL at least now I’ll play for a team that wants to win games.” (Long pause, let it sink in with the people.)
We as Americans can only do one thing, and that is root for the players, such as rookie Nerlens Noel, who has worked tirelessly to get to where he wants to be as a player. We can also root for K.J. McDaniels, who will finish the year with the Houston Rockets. We also can look forward to Joel Embiid’s Twitter account, which has brought Michelle and myself a great amount of laughs. So thank you, Joel. Keep on keeping on.
Now, to a happier note about the rookies, we must acknowledge the great play of Orlando Magic point guard Elfrid Payton. Let me tell you something, if that young man ever figures out how to hit a jump shot, we may be looking at a Most Valuable Player candidate in the future. Orlando is lucky to have his tenacity and his skill to lead them into the future.
I’d also like to take a moment to acknowledge those rookies that have left the season too soon. Jabari Parker and Julius Randle, two rookies that had many, including myself, excited to watch. Watch them grow as players, watch them grow as men. Their seasons ended too soon, so I’d like to wish them a speedy recovery and long and successful careers.
I’d like to close today’s state of the rookie address by congratulating the Minnesota Timberwolves. While they may not be winning, they had done some great things since last August, but perhaps nothing more important than landing Andrew Wiggins in a trade with the Cleveland Cavaliers.
In the addition of Wiggins, Minnesota fans have uh… something to look forward to. Something to embrace. Even though he’s a native of Canada (hold for laughter) we have embraced him in the NBA and hope to see him lead the Timberwolves to new heights. If Mr. Wiggins isn’t the choice for Rookie of the Year then the voters must have also voted for Mitt Romney (long pause for laughter, show off the pearly whites).
Now, with the return of Kevin Garnett to Minnesota, Andrew has a chance to learn from one of the greats. It’ll be wonderful to see the evolution of Timberwolves on the same team and should be one of the trademark stories going forward.
I’d like to thank all of your for coming out today, for tuning in at home and for allowing me to discuss something other than foreign policy and gas prices. You know I really don’t care about those things, but I’m contractually obligated to pretend like I do. This is the real me and now you’ve had a chance to see that.
Thank you, NBA rookies, for giving me something to take my mind off of my popularity polls and my daughter’s tricky algebra homework. I’m sure even Derek Fisher couldn’t figure out the degrees of triangles they have to solve for X for with that offense the New York Knicks are running this year. (This will get big laughs, you nailed this one.)
Good night and God bless America. (Walk out and strut your stuff because you killed it tonight, big guy. Crack a beer and turn on the game.)
Next: Nerlens Noel: Another Rookie Rising to Stardom
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